"A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now."

“You haven't lived until you've died in California.”

“The bravest thing that men do is love women.”

“Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.”

“In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.”

“Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.”

“We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.”