"Our station is experiencing technical difficulties, so please try and amuse yourselves in whatever way you did before you became so emotionally dependent on us."

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“Rita! Get my smelling salts! Ma, you used them up when you discovered that repeal of the estate tax benefits only the very, very rich.”

“If women want time off to bear children, they can't expect to be treated as equals. Okay, give men time off to bear children.”

“...Men lose their sense of humor as they get older...their brains shrink...So men will be getting grumpier, just as we're getting... Shorter.”

“The investment firm of Smith Barney: they make money the old-fashioned way--they earn it. Right. The rest of us pick it off trees in the backyard.”

“Most normal people would agree that pizza is nature's perfect food, right?”

“For feminine protection, every day use a hand grenade.”

Resonant Thoughts

"On days like today, we need to resolve never to repeat mistakes like that again. We must resolve to always speak out against hatred and bigotry in all of its forms -- whether taunts against the child …"

— Barack Obama

Politics1961

#friendship

"They should just call it The Bad News. The bloodiest, most disgusting things that happened today packed into a half an hour, right before you go to bed. You thought you were scared before..."

— Richard Jeni

Entertainment1957–2007

#time

"As I've said before, I’m ashamed of some of the inappropriate language I used in The Sun thirty years ago about gay stars. They were different times, but that’s no excuse – it was offensive, it was wr…"

— Piers Morgan

Journalism1965

#time

"Universities should be safe havens where ruthless examination of realities will not be distorted by the aim to please or inhibited by the risk of displeasure."

— Kingman Brewster

Politics1919–1988

#happiness