Alan Bennett

"Headmaster: Clad in the magnificent white silk robes of an Arab prince, with in his belt the short curved, gold sword of the Ashraf descendants of the Prophet, he hoped to pass unnoticed through Londo…"

"George: That flaming dog has messed on our steps again. It's the one species I wouldn't mind seeing disappear from the face of the earth. I wish they were like the White Rhino -- six of them left in t…"

"We have fish and chips, which W. and I fetch from the shop in Settle market-place. Some local boys come in and there is a bit of chat between them and the fish-fryer about whether the kestrel under th…"

"Polly: Education with socialists, it's like sex, all right as long as you don't have to pay for it."

"Polly: Question is whether you hate the coach party because they're like the dogs or hate the dogs because they're like the coach party."

"Schweitzer in the Congo did not derive more moral credit than Larkin did for living in Hull."

"Writer: What, above all, I'm primarily concerned with is the substance of life, the pith of reality. If I had to sum up my work, that's it, really. I'm taking the pith out of reality."

"An article on playwrights in the Daily Mail, listed according to Hard Left, Soft Left, Hard Right, Soft Right and Centre. I am not listed. I should probably come under Soft Centre."