Ambrose Bierce on Humor

"Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below."

"Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others."

"To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand."

"Peyton Fahrquhar was dead; his body, with a broken neck, swung gently from side to side beneath the timbers of the Owl Creek bridge."

"Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."

"Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands."

"Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."

"Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another."

"Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets."

"Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support."