Mitch Hedberg on Time
Browse 9 quotations attributed to Mitch Hedberg, catalogued under time, with dates where available.
This page displays 9 quotations attributed to Mitch Hedberg and filed under "time" in QuoteLineage. The selection is ordered by stored importance and quality scores, not citation counts. A topic label describes how an entry is catalogued; it does not establish the theme's importance in the author's work.
Attributed to Mitch Hedberg, entry #206923: "If I bought a company that made hot dog buns, on Day 1 we would add two buns to every package... Day 2, work on deliciousness."
Attributed to Mitch Hedberg, entry #80759: "I'm sick of Soup of the Day, it's time we made a decision. I wanna know what the fuck 'Soup From Now On' is."
9 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg on Time
"If I bought a company that made hot dog buns, on Day 1 we would add two buns to every package... Day 2, work on deliciousness."
"I'm sick of Soup of the Day, it's time we made a decision. I wanna know what the fuck 'Soup From Now On' is."
"If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way."
"I was walking down the street the other day when this guy asked if I wanted a frozen banana...I said 'no' but then thought I might want a regular banana later, so...yeah."
"I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... So that it achieves its maximum flavor potential."
"When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job." Well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people."
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
"I saw this dude, he was wearing a leather jacket, and at the same time he was eating a hamburger and drinking a glass of milk. I said to him "Dude, you're a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don't fall asleep or I'll tip you over."
"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... What's it look like?"