Mitch Hedberg on Life
Browse 6 quotations attributed to Mitch Hedberg, catalogued under life, with dates where available.
This page displays 6 quotations attributed to Mitch Hedberg and filed under "life" in QuoteLineage. The selection is ordered by stored importance and quality scores, not citation counts. A topic label describes how an entry is catalogued; it does not establish the theme's importance in the author's work.
Attributed to Mitch Hedberg, entry #62602: "If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
Attributed to Mitch Hedberg, entry #136463: "I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry", so it died."
6 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg on Life
"If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
"I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry", so it died."
"Audience Member: Hey Mitch, I got something to put in that pipe for ya!"
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
"My hotel doesn't have a 13th Floor because of superstition, but c'mon man... People on the 14th Floor, you know what floor you're really on. "What room are you in?" "1401". "No, you're not. Jump out of window, you'll die earlier!."
"Look at all the limes in this goddamn thing! This fuckin' thing is tropical! Look at the limes, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. Like I'll be water-skiing without a life preserver, people will say "What the fuck?" and I will pull out a lime. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus."