"You haven't done anything, its your fucking daughter. I just got a call --when I'm in Tiffany-- from some woman telling me how I should prepare my vagina for my gynecologist appointment tomorrow. She booked me a fucking gynecologist appointment!"

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“I don't really care what people think about my hair. It's my hair, so why should they care? Ooh, that rhymed.”

“Mom, I have something to tell you. My thong, is so far up my crack right now.”

“Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!”

“You're not driving my car anymore Mum, I'm sorry.”

“You don't go to someone's father, "I don't like the redness in your hair". It's fucking rude. I would never go to her father, "Oh, I don't like the baldness, maybe you should get a fucking tupee.”

“She's pissing in the bottle....just like she shit in Dad's bag of weed in Hawaii.”

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"Twenty kilometers. At an average speed of 120 klicks per hour, we should cover the distance in ten minutes. Ten freezing, adrenaline-pumping, gorge-rising, terror-beating-against-the-ribs, react-in-a-…"

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