Maddox

"I have a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win. I'm neither pro choice, nor pro life; I'm pro you-shutting-the-hell-up. The onl…"

"The next time you ask someone how their day is going, expect, no, DEMAND a response. Don't settle for good. Demand the truth. Make them admit that they're having a shitty day, and then do your best to…"

"There are only three reasons you should ever be this delighted about anything, and all of them involve you being a hot chick, meeting me, and lube."

"It simultaneously warms my heart and wears my delete key when I get emails from twelve-year-olds."

"There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living."

"I've only had one dream in my life with kids in it that didn't involve me gnawing my feet off, and it had to do with kids doing my laundry."

"Elizabeth Duke is possibly the only person on the FBI list wanted for communism. What a bitch! Duke was a member of the extremist group, May 19th Communist Organization, whose objective was the violen…"

"There aren't many things I don't want to experience in life, but the sensual caress of a parent going through mid-life crisis is one of them."