Woody Allen on Knowledge

"How am I immature - intellectually, emotionally, and sexually? Yeah, but in what other ways?"

"I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland."

"When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be."

"Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown."

"The two biggest myths about me are that I'm an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I'm an artist because my films lose money."

"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."

"I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size."

"I'd rather she grew up here than grew up as an orphan, you know I can tolerate anybody's orphans but my own."

"As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness."

"I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British"

"Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind."

"Burt: Do you care even about the Holocaust or do you think it never happened?Harry: Not only do I know that we lost six million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken."

"Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know this?"

"If I don't kill him he'll make war all through Europe. But murder... the most foul of all crimes. What would Socrates say? All those Greeks were homosexuals. Boy, they must have had some wild parties. I bet they all took a house together in Crete for the summer. A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates. That means all men are homosexuals. Heh... I'm not a homosexual. Once, some cossacks whistled at me. I happen to have the kind of body that excites both persuasions. You know, some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know... they become lawyers."

"How could I not have known that there are little things the size of "Planck length" in the universe, which are a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter? Imagine if you dropped one in a dark theater how hard it would be to find."

"Viscous and Sons had announced publication of The Annotated Poems of Sean O'Shawn, the great Irish poet, considered by many to be the most incomprehensible and hence the finest poet of his time. Abounding inhighly personal references, an understanding of O'Shawn's work requires an intimate knowledge of his life, which, according to scholars, not even he had."

"For fifty bucks, I learned, you could "relate without getting close." For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartók records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. For one-fifty, you could listen to FM radio with twins. For three bills, you got the works: A thin Jewish brunette would pretend to pick you up at the Museum of Modern Art, let you read her master's, get you involved in a screaming quarrel at Elaine's over Freud's conception of women, and then fake a suicide of your choosing - the perfect evening, for some guys."