Woody Allen on Love

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."

"Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

"Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer."

"I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment."

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."

"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."

"The wicked at heart probably know something."

"My second wife was beautiful, but lacked real passion. I recall once, while we were making love, a curious optical illusion occurred and for a split second it almost looked as though she was moving."

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."

"Love and Death - 1975"

"He was on his way to see Harriet about the alimony payments. He still loved Harriet, even though while they were married she had systematically attempted to commit adultery with all the R's in the Manhattan telephone directory."

"Once a lumberjack was about to chop down a tree, when he noticed a heart carved on it, with two names inside. Putting away his axe, he sawed down the tree instead. The point of that story escapes me, although six months later the lumberjack was fined for teaching a dwarf Roman numerals."