humor

"Its part of a comedy cultural exchange tour: tonight, I am doing the UK and Jim Davidson is being buggered in Baghdad right now, systematically and without cessation, by United States Troops! Such fun…"

"With one eye you are looking at the outside world, while with the other you are looking within yourself."

"Angus? I think he's kinda crazy. Since the first night I saw the band way back in Australia, I knew their manager, and I'd never seen the band before and never even heard of AC/DC. And the manager jus…"

"出处：To those waiting with bated breath for that favourite media catchphrase, the U-turn, I have only one thing to say: You turn if you want to. The lady's not for turning."

"You could stick all my shit in Tate Modern and have an opening with Tony Blair and Kate Moss on roller blades handing out vol-au-vents and it wouldn't be as exciting as it is when you go out and paint…"

"Your favor of July 2. came duly to hand. The concern you therein express as to the effect of your pamphlet in America, induces me to trouble you with some observations on that subject."

"A treatise on mental dietetics would be imperfect without some special notice of that most irrational and melancholy of all human torments, hypochondriasis. Reason, morality, wit, and even religion, h…"

"You grow up Latin in this country and you're a third class citizen from the word go, and so you have to deal with everything around you from that point of view and trying to feel entitled."

"Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead!"

"We do not argue with those who disagree with us, we destroy them."

"When John Oliver told viewers that if they opposed abortion they had to change the channel until the last minute of the program, when they would be shown “an adorable bucket of sloths,” he perfectly e…"

"They laid bets as to who, with one stroke of the sword, could split a man in two or could cut off his head or spill out his entrails with a single stroke of the pike."

"So I was on the ship, with 800 lesbians. We can't get off. So much drama. "Were you looking at her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her? WELL, WERE YOU?!" We al…"

"There is nothing finer in the world than the telling of tales. Split atoms if you wish, but splitting an infinitive—and getting away with it—is far nobler. Lance boils if you wish, but pricking preten…"

"Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conve…"

"With all due respect,"

"In the basic case, where the person is concerned with the dispositional properties of his surrounding environment, the choice is between external attribution and internal attribution."

"I am comfortable with my level of public discourse."

"I rather liked Stalin and Molotov, got along fine with them."

"It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations."