humor

"And another reason to make sure we're not doing atrocious things at the slaughter plant is that if it is too easy to do something really atrocious to an animal; with the poor animal screaming and ever…"

"The deep, seen with depth, is surface."

"The age of ignorance commenced with the Christian system."

"I stuffed their mouths with gold."

"In the beginning, Atlanta was without form, and void; and it still is."

"We do not have to wait for the hereafter — it is now that we are one with Christ."

"At least I’m done with adolescence. Never could stand it; if I don’t want to kill someone, I want to have sex with them."

"The most sumptuous of European courts cannot compare in richness and magnificence with the lustre beheld in Indian courts."

"What motive had a Dutch painter in painting a picture? None. And notice that he never asked for one. A peasant with a drunken red nose looks at you with his heavy eye and laughs with open mouth showin…"

"No cause, ever, in the history of all mankind, has produced more cold-blooded tyrants, more slaughtered innocents, and more orphans than socialism with power. It surpassed, exponentially, all other sy…"

"Andrei Kovalenko runs over Patrick Roy, and Patrick slugs him! Watch him use his blocker here. Don’t fool with Patrick!"

"Castilian Spanish speaking Spain is big, but is bigger in addition with Catalonian speaking Spain, Galician speaking Spain and Basque speaking Spain. Democratic Spain, Constitutional Spain, can not be…"

"I am very troubled by this horrible issue of "who is a Jew?" I'm very simplistic about it. I ask, if Hitler were here, would he consider me a Jew? And of course he'd say yes, and that's the end of tha…"

"Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey."

"No other troops in the world but German paratroops could have stood up to such an ordeal and then gone on fighting with such ferocity."

"…I tell them the funny stories of the models trying to knock me off of the runway. They are laughing and giggling. I get them. Then we do a fashion show. I get them walking and strutting, and we have …"

"Iraq had absolutely nothing to do with 11 September. If the United States invades Iraq, we should remember that."

"I would say that in this case the prosecution, along with anyone else who hates me, are the ones who have been misled."

"I hope I am pigeonholed with comedy. I’m really not interested in writing the darker stuff, the emotional stuff."

"No visiting angel, or explorer from another planet, could have guessed that this bland orb teemed with vermin, with world-mastering, self-torturing, incipiently angelic beasts."