Frankie Boyle

"The thing that nobody really said about Rebecca Adlington is that she looks pretty weird. She looks like someone who's looking at themselves in the back of a spoon."

"Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'."

"Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now; an alcoholic racist!"

"You get these people, and they'll probably always be with us, who get offended by comedy. And I used to not mind until it occurred to me one day; most people who get offended at jokes watch porn! Like…"

"A family of billionaire perverts going nuts about a picture of a pair of tits. The hypocrisy of the British press, “oh we wouldn’t print these pictures of tits”. I had to go past pictures of tits to r…"

"The Pope must have done something that even the Catholic church found unacceptable. My theory is that he fucked an adult woman."

"The Americans want to build a big tower on the site of September the 11th. Freedom Tower they're going to call it but now apparently they're worried and they're looking at ways to try and make it terr…"

"I thought it was sad, you know, that they had that pop concert to commemorate Diana. I mean, she didn't have much to do with pop music, did she? They should've done something that celebrated what was …"