Bill Cosby

"Yooouuu can not say filth flarn filth flarn filth in front of people." And I said, "I never said no 'filth flarn filth'!" He said, "You know what I'm talking about. I can't use the type of language th…"

"My wife and I have five children, and the reason we have five children is because we do not want six."

"Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair, and the first thing they grab is an iron hook."

"My wife stood up in the stirrups, grabbed my bottom lip and said "I want morphine!" I said "But, dear —" . She said "You shut up! YOU did this to me!" And on the next contraction she told everybody in…"

"I am not interested in statistics that tell me things are not as bad as they seem. Things are horrible. I have met people crying about what is happening, but there is no solution yet. Our children are…"

"A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em — they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've g…"

"I know I didn't say anything, but I'm asking your integrity that since I didn't wanna say anything, but I did answer you, in terms of I don't wanna say anything of what value will it have? ... And I w…"

"Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity."