Shappi Khorsandi

"I don't know if I would have been a stand-up comedian in Iran because, as you know, the government advocates free speech... but there's no freedom after you've spoken... It gets a bit deathy."

"I'm actually going on holiday to India next month, and I wanted to know what the weather was gonna be like there, so I phoned my bank."

"It's no fun being a broody Iranian woman. Every time I said to people "My body clock is ticking," they would hit the ground!"

"My little sister, she got me on Facebook because I was on MySpace: "No, no, no. You don't want to be on MySpace, you want to be on Facebook!" So I joined both. But I keep muddling them up, so I keep a…"