humor

"I dare suggest that the composer would do himself and his music an immediate and eventual service by total, resolute and voluntary withdrawal from this public world to one of private performance and e…"

"Be not cast down. If ye saw Him who is standing on the shore, holding out His arms to welcome you to land, ye would wade, not only through a sea of wrongs, but through hell itself to be with Him."

"Beware of rashness, but with energy and sleepless vigilance go forward and give us victories."

"The hardest regret to live with is what you’ve done to hurt someone else. And I can hardly wrap my head around the scope of hurt I brought on them."

"It is a sorry fact that prejudice against gays, and the violence it engenders with increasing frequency, are not yet treated by the media with the same clarity that racism, anti-Semitism, sexism, or d…"

"Philosophers get paid for posing interesting questions; scientists for answering them. Thus, one cannot live without the other..."

"Lord of yourself, uncumbered with a wife."

", indeed nothing so tires a person as having to struggle, not with himself, but with an abstraction."

"It was then that Diana Moon Glampers, the Handicapper General, came into the studio with a double-barreled ten-gauge shotgun.  She fired twice, and the Emperor and the Empress were dead before they hi…"

"Protestant Reformers wanted every believer to be a priest, but they couldn’t have anticipated that anyone with an Internet connection could be a theologian."

"His problem is, he gets an idea in his head and he can’t get it out if it’s wrong, no matter what evidence you hit him with."

"Apple has recently done more with the tablet format with the iPod Touch and iPhone then any other vendor but the jury is still largely out on this format with challenging devices from RIM, Palm, and G…"

"You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story b…"

"leolaporte Twitter feed"

"I'm not Hans Christian Andersen. Nobody's gonna make a statue in the park with a lot of scrambling kids climbing up me. I won't have it, okay?"

"I try not to stand on a soapbox and scream. That's boring. You've got to be funny sometimes. All my humor comes from anger. Satire is terrific therapy. Making people laugh is a joy, but making them th…"

"Maybe it was senseless to want to be near a person so badly here in a country where bullets had shredded her own brothers to pieces. But all Laila had to do was picture Tariq going at Khadim with his …"

"e propose... to deal exclusively with properties intrinsic to the space... measured within the space itself... in terms of... inner properties."

"That he heard the Prophet saying, "It is not permissible for a man to be alone with a woman, and no lady should travel except with a Muhram ." Then a man got up and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I have en…"

"I don’t think I’d have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I’d have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps."