Noel Fielding

"I couldn’t have invented crisps. I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. I invented apples. I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil."

"I think I should be in a film called ‘Space Shrews’. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it’ll be a musical…"

"I had a garter snake named Clayton."

"I used to suck until they were all white, let them dry, and then put them back in the packet and show my mum the Smarties with no colour on them."

"In Edinburgh? I quite like the City Cafe. Because you never get served in there. And I like the idea that you can go in there for three hours and still not get your order. I think that’s quite funny. …"

"I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions."

"I don’t think I’d have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I’d have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps."

"I've always had my suspicions about moss."