humor

"Speech and silence. We feel safer with a madman who talks than with one who cannot open his mouth."

"The English can laugh and at the same time strike you down, without the least compunction. It is the secret of their success as a nation."

"The fellow with a face rather like a walnut."

"Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is Hitler. And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was…"

"You can build a throne with bayonets, but it's difficult to sit on it."

"To treat a poor wretch with a bottle of Burgundy, and fill his snuff-box, is like giving a pair of laced ruffles to a man that has never a shirt on his back."

"We had a street gang that was very vivid — very surreal. We were fans of Monty Python. We'd put on performances in the city center of Dublin. I'd get on the bus with a stepladder and an electric drill…"

"On Tenure with Indianapolis Colts:"

"It is better to limp in the way, than run with the greatest swiftness out of it."

"If Thyagaraja only once with prema called ‘Rama’ forthwith came the response from Sri Rama. O!Thyagaraja, here I am."

"Elin Nordegren could not be happier. How many girls here would trade places with her in a second? Where do I sign? First of all, she doesn't have to bang him anymore! And she's probably gonna get, lik…"

"work with anybody at Westminster to try to stop Brexit, and avert the catastrophe of a no-deal Brexit."

"In the deserts, however arid, I have never felt homesick for green fields and woods in spring, but now that I was in England I longed with an ache that was almost physical to be back in Arabia."

"In Switzerland everything that is not forbidden is legal."

"There is no blue without yellow and without orange, and if you put in blue, then you must put in yellow, and orange too, mustn't you? Oh well, you will tell me that what I write to you are only banali…"

"Our war on terror begins with al-Qaeda, but it does not end there. It will not end until every terrorist group of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated."

"Dissatisfied with their breasts, women in the United States have spent millions of dollars on creams, lotions, devices, and techniques for breast enlargement in the last few decades. Despite the healt…"

"When all is done, human life is, at the greatest, and the best, but like a froward child, that must be played with and humored a little to keep it quiet till it falls asleep, and then the care is over…"

"That’s the trouble with these violent mersives: once the limbic system gets involved my higher cognitive functions are screwed."

"I'm very impressed with this seedless watermelon product that they have for us. They've done it! We now have seedless watermelon. Pretty amazing! What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon…"