humor

"A comparative analysis of the General Appropriations Bill will similarly show that a total of P19,827,233,000 was realigned within and among the agencies. Total New Appropriations still stands at P1.8…"

"Long before the moon mission, I had told NASA that Apollo 8 would be my last flight. It was a decision reached after a long talk with Susan, although the decision was strictly mine."

"Judaism stands or falls with its belief in the historic actuality of the revelation at Sinai."

"Beowulf grappling with the monstors was a type of Christ grappling with Satan."

"Film is such an extraordinary rich medium which can handle so many different modes of operation, combining together in the same place all these extraordinary disciplines which may be executed in their…"

"Women can never forgive me; they hate me, they feel I am disarming them. I show them without their coquetry."

"5324. Two Dogs fight for a Bone, and a third runs away with it."

"Transcript of Self's encounter with Richard Littlejohn interviewed on Radio Five Live by Nicky Campbell: BBC"

"Staged UFO events feature craft with seams and rivets. That’s the way to tell ours from theirs."

"Sovereignty rests with me as an English MP and that's the way it will stay."

"With the increase of wealth the mania of covetousness increases."

"We saw him off with applause. Lviv, meet the Cossack. It's a pain..."

"I don't suppoze thare haz ever lived a man without a single virtew. Even Judas Iskariot "went and hanged himself."

"Tell me, when you are alone with him Sphinx, does he take off his face and reveal his mask?"

"Famous Quotes and Sayings by William Shakespeare with Meaning"

"It must have been in his teens, perhaps rather early, that he and his elder brother John, with William Bell and his brother, all met in the kiln at Eelief to play cards. The corn was dried then at hom…"

"Dale Dunkey shot my house up / He shot it up to get rid of the termites / He then shot at me with his BB gun" - The Termites Ate My House Up"

"The use of video evidence is not always conclusive, but it sure beats the memory bank of most witnesses."

"Dialect tempered with slang is an admirable medium of communication between persons who have nothing to say and persons who would not care for anything properly said."

"Who the fuck are you? Get out of my house...and take that fucking bulldozer with you."