humor

"West of the Amphitheatre, railroad sidings seemed to continue on for miles, accompanied by those same massive low sheds larger than armories, with pens for tens of thousands of frantic beasts, cattle,…"

"America's enemy in the Islamic world is not a state we can crush with sanctions or an enemy we can defeat with force of arms. The enemy is a cause, a movement, an idea."

"You must act with all energy. Mass searches. Execution for concealing arms."

"It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke."

"My policy will be to detain and deport every illegal alien who is apprehended in this country. And we'll do it with an expedited hearing process so that millions of illegal aliens are not released int…"

"Our path to Palestine will not be covered with a red carpet or with yellow sand. Our path to Palestine will be covered with blood… In order that we may liberate Palestine, the Arab nation must unite, …"

"Compare victims' reports of rape with women's reports of sex. They look a lot alike"

"What do you mean I can’t sleep with this hooker in the basement?"

"Between Paoli and Penn Hills, Pennsylvania is Alabama without the blacks. They didn't film The Deer Hunter there for nothing -- the state has the second-highest concentration of NRA members, behind Te…"

"He was a man with modest habits, he was fond of light music, he had neither smoked nor even took ‘pan’ but he was fond of good dress."

"The greatest enemy that lies in our path in creating the kind of Britain we want to create is conservatism in all its forms. We cannot afford Tory conservatism, with its smug preoccupation, complacent…"

"The best that can be said for Norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience."

"He carried with him the aura of a prophet, a magician, a witch doctor, a psychoanalyst, and a feared father of a Jewish home.... e was the force that held the thirty-odd members of the theatre togethe…"

"The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do."

"With all due respect, the fact is, we had four dead Americans—was it because of a protest or because of guys out for a walk one night and decided to go kill some Americans? What difference at this poi…"

"I've always been after the trappings of great luxury. But all I've got hold of are the trappings of great poverty. I've got hold of the wrong load of trappings, and a rotten load they are too, ones I …"

"He came about one o'clock . he found it very good, except for the lower parts of the dress. He took the brushes and put in a few accents.. ..mother was in ecstasies. That is where my misfortune began.…"

"Black and ugly as ever, however I stay Gucci down to the socks, rings and watch filled with Rocks."

"When you see a tomcat with his whiskers full of feathers, do not say "Canary!" — he'll take offense."

"Here's what I find wrong and here's what I find the common mistake the media makes. I can give you a hundred thousand Scientologists who will say unbelievably positive things about their church to eve…"