"In Hollywood, you just kind of fail upwards."

“A science fiction movie? I don't know. I think I have made one already... Chasing Amy. Because you go ask any lesbian, that'll never happen. Even if, and probably especially because, the dude is Ben fucking Affleck.”

“What's your name, new best friend?”

“What happened to Riggs?”

“God is a great concept, doesn't work”

“Americans tend to celebrate even the most mediocre or basic accomplishments... It's like weddings to me. Why is that a big deal?... Why do you have to have a big shindig where you're, like, "Look, we're doing it" and everybody applauds and throws shit in your face. - SModcast 1: Fisting Flipper”

“Don't get me wrong, I love Schindler's List, but it's not like "Hey, man, let's get loaded and watch Schindler's List." - SModcast 4: Can I get a Witness”