"On cutting open avocados- It's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts."

“I think some bacteria have better lives than that”

“If you had 5 photos of anuses, I could not point mine out”

“Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman.”

“You know that guy Richard Blackwood? He went in for a colonic, live TV. Never seen again.”

“Whats good with a holiday right.. say if you work in a factory from 8 in the morning till 8 at night, packin socks into a rubber bag right.. between 8 and.. what time did i say he finishes?”

“If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about. - Karl interprets the phrase Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.”