"Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine."

“I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.”

“This next song is about how sad I am. It's about all the sad stuff; just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.”

“Let us pray...Oh, uh, please don't feel like you can't participate if you're not Christian, because this is a prayer for all faiths...”

“This next piece is called "Sonnet 155", or "If Shakespeare Had Written a Porn", and it goes like this:”

“I've always wanted a black girlfriend. Not as a joke, just so when we sixty-nine I can call it Yin-Yanging.”

“When I say "Hey!" you say "Ho!" Hey! Hey! That's basically how Hitler rose to power.”