"Technology frightens me to death. It's designed by engineers to impress other engineers, and they always come with instruction booklets that are written by engineers for other engineers — which is why almost no technology ever works."

“A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.”

“If I like chocolate it won't surprise you that I have a few chocolates in my fridge, but if you find out I've got 16 warehouses full of chocolate, you'd think I was insane. All these rich guys are insane, obsessive compulsive twits obsessed with money — money is all they think about — they're all nuts.”

“All humans are stupid, but the smarter ones at least have a handle on their own ignorance.”

“When I was teaching, the headmaster told me "You know, the sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it.”

“If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?”

“Podcast to celebrate The Life of Brian”