"I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically."

“On MySpace … the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.”

“I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat to the punch.”

“I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to do material that makes people laugh at the expense of making other people feel bad - not to say I'm not guilty of that at times. ... I try and make humor out of the really important issues of the day, like Hot Pockets and elevators and not wanting to get out of bed.”

“Stand-up is an amazing art form, I think, because it's all about you having complete control of the situation, but absolutely none.”

“There's a silliness that is in my stand-up. I grew up in Indiana, worshipping David Letterman, so it's Letterman-like, observational, a little bit offbeat. I don't go up there and make fun of people's shirts. There's a bit of dryness in it.”

“I married a woman who loves to camp and I am what you would call indoorsy. I'm surprised we can still get people to camp. "Hey, wanna burn a couple of vacation days sleeping on the ground outside?" "Uh, No!" "What if I told you you get to crap standing up in the woods?" "I still wouldn't wanna go." "You'll wake up freezing covered in a rash." "… All right, I'll go.”