"Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious."

Steven Wright Entertainment See all quotes by Steven Wright →

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More by Steven Wright

“A lot of people are afraid of heights; not me, I'm afraid of widths.”

“Sometimes you cannot hear me, it's because sometimes I'm in parentheses.”

“I tried to hang myself with bungie cords. I kept almost dying.”

“In school they told me "Practice makes perfect." And then they told me "Nobody's perfect," so then I stopped practicing.”

“I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.”

“It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.”

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