"Oh, but I've done some other unforgivable, unspeakable thing"? Google it. There's seven billion of us. Somebody has done exactly what you have done, and is currently on a book tour. You're never alone!"

“Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!/”

“Time flies when you are anxious!”

“I love my country, but maybe that's because I'm white and rich. I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit, that I refuse to share with others.”

“I wish I'd get mad about something that actually, you know, kinda mattered. Go in Target and be like: "You know what? If you can't help me, then I need to speak to someone who can, because this is a three dollar pair of flip-flops made by a 5-year-old Guatemalan girl, and I'm not leaving until she gets benefits and an education under the NAFTA Fair Trade Agreement. You better go get a manager. This could take awhile.”

“I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.”

“I'm not looking for much , I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet.”