"This woman woke up to see me and John Stamos banging on her windows. She must have thought she died and went to sitcom hell."

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“People ask me what my favorite episode of Full House is; it was the last one!”

“Kids, do not fuck that shit; you'll get an infection.”

“Full House gave me Tourette's. We would be on the set, and, action! "Okay, Michelle, you can't have a horse in the house--" and, cut! "Cock shit fuck!”

“I don't call her my middle child, I call her my center child, Because the world revolves around her.”

“I've banged half the girls in this room, and that is fuckin' not true. I haven't banged anyone here. I've put my pinky in your butts, couple of you.”

“That would be a good public service announcement for Nickelodeon: "Hi, this is Bob Saget. Don't fuck that shit. Stay in school. And read!”

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