John Oliver

"You might look at the Oreo Pizza and think, "That is a reprehensible foodstuff". I put it to you that that is the single most patriotic item I have ever seen in my life! Hoist that up a flagpole! ... …"

"Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends: They're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there."

"It is hard to deal with what your ancestors did. Trust me, I'm British! One of our most famous tourist attractions is a castle where we executed people for centuries, and is now filled with stolen jew…"

"The knowing know that police reform, that abortion rights, that labor unions are important, but go no further: What is important, after all, is to signal that you know these things. What is important …"

"… we were in a situation where, in the event of us launching a nuclear strike, the President's command would theoretically have gone through a man gambling with fake poker chips, who would've then tri…"

"I started looking into these groups in America, campaigns groups who want to put stickers on the front of all school science text books saying that Evolution is only one possible theory of life on ear…"

"When your rainy day fund is so big you've got to check it for swimming cartoon ducks, you might not be a non-profit anymore."

"You have just constructed a straw man so large you could burn it in the desert and hold an annoying festival around it."