"I've had some experience in this arena. So it wasn't foreign to me to have a woman say she doesn't want to see me anymore."

“This is a sad day for the Emmy's. It is, however, a good day for Larry David. I imagine the wife will be forthcoming tonight.”

“One thing about Hitler that I admire is that he wouldn't take any shit from magicians.”

“Listen, this is crazy. I look like I'm 75 years old. Nobody wants to watch an old man being funny. That's just a fact. No one wants to see this old man on TV.”

“I have to let him know that he's potentially destroying his movie, that he could be making a terrible, terrible error. I needed to let him know that I didn't know or think that I was capable of doing this.”

“I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.”

“A lot of sexual harassment stuff in the news, and I couldn't help but notice a very disturbing pattern emerging, which is that many of the predators, not all, but many of them are Jews”