"My singles' number one and Shabba don't rank"

“Communication, hardest thing in the world. Y'know, I can look at you guys, I can communicate to you all night, but, one-on-one, I'm terrible. It's just, there's certain things about communicating that really bother me. Like whenever I meet somebody new I say, "Hi! How are you!" Most of the time when people hear that they'll say, "Good! And yourself?", or "Fine! Thank you very much!" But sometimes they like to surprise you, "I've got no dream, man! I'm all dead inside!"”

“Madness is never that far away. It's as close as saying yes to the wrong impulse. The people who stay sane are the people who can make those quick decisions: "Should I stick my fingers into the fan, or leave the room right now? "Should I run the blade of this razor across my tongue, or just finish shaving and move away from the sink?" But you don't because luckily most of us have that little voice inside our head that says, "Uh uh uh, turning the car into oncoming traffic...is counterproductive!"”

“We have to say yes to socialism — to the word and everything [...] Medicare for all, ending student debt, a different approach to the war on terror, ending mass incarceration.”

“There are two thoughts that will ensure success in all you do; (1) Don't tell everything you know, and (2) until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“Imagine if you could actually be that happy? That would be powerful, man. People would be tunneling under the street to avoid you. They'd go "Oh, man — is that happy guy still out there?”