"I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas."

Bob Monkhouse Entertainment See all quotes by Bob Monkhouse →

React to this quote

More by Bob Monkhouse

“I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.”

“Smarmy, plastic, oily, greasy, unctuous, shallow, superficial, old-fashioned, superannuated, crap”

“People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie.”

“I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.”

“I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.”

“My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.”

Resonant Thoughts

"Listen: if there is war down there— and if you think me worthy of it, and capable —you ought to grant me the honor of conducting the campaign. Surely, you don't think me too old?"

— Emilio De Bono

Social Activism1866–1944

#mind

"In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best."

— Euripides

Literature-480–-406

#mind

"A letter by Alice relating Gertrude's thoughts about Pittsburgh"

— Gertrude Stein

Literature1874–1946

#mind

"Once the support of the Nehruvian historians to such utter falsifications of history is tackled and exposed, they have no chance of saving their reputations or even the hold of their theories over the…"

— Koenraad Elst

Indology1959

#mind