"He's German so he's Herr Ball. Herr Ball. His movies are so bad, cats choke when they hear his name."

“The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.”

“Please state your name for the camera.”

“Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.”

“I can't live by your rules, man!”

“The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It’s camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.”

“Dear Craig, … are your letters written by your writers?" No. "Does this make me one of your writers?" Yes. "Why haven't I been paid?" Because you're one of my writers!”