"Living in this country, you're bound to know, every time you're exposed to advertising, you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business is still: the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure, American bullshit. And the sad part is, is that most people seem to have been indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources: advertising, politics, salesmen – not true. Bullshit is everywhere. Bullshit is rampant. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law enforcement people are full...of...shit – this entire country. This entire country is completely full of shit, and always has been. From the Declaration of Independence to the Constitution to the Star-Spangled Banner, it's still nothing more than one big steaming pile of red, white and blue, all-American bullshit. Because, think of how we started. Think of that. This country was founded by a group of slave-owners who told us all men are created equal. Oh yeah, all men, except for Indians and niggers and women, right? I always like to use that authentic American language. This was a small group of unelected, white, male, land-holding, slave-owners who also suggested their class be the only one allowed to vote. Now, that is what's known as being stunningly and embarrassingly full of shit. And I think Americans really show their ignorance when they say they want their politicians to be honest. What are these fuckin' cretins talking about? If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse! No one would know what to do! Honesty would FUCK THIS COUNTRY UP!!"

“It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard, that's our history! We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed a lot of white English people, in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out of the rest of the red Indian people, so they move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto of this country ought to be? "You give us a color, we'll wipe it out!”

“These people call themselves "right to lifers." Don't you love that phrase? And don't you love the way these kind of people pervert the English language? You realize that most of the right-to-lifers are in favor of the DEATH penalty? And they support the South American DEATH squads. And they're against gun control and they're against nuclear weapons control. When they say "right to life," they're talking about THEIR right to decide which people should live or die. Doesn't it strike you as mildly ironic that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?”

“So let me ask you something: how's everybody doing tonight, huh? Good, well, fuck you! Just trying to make you feel at home.”

“Where would we be without our safe, familiar, American bullshit? "Land of the Free," "Home of the Brave," "The American Dream," "All men are equal," "Justice is blind," "The Press is free," "Your vote counts," "Business is honest," "The good guys win," "The police are on your side," "God is watching you," "Your standard of living will never decline" and "Everything is going to be just fine:" the official national bullshit story. I call it the American Okie Doke. Every one, every one of those items is provably untrue at one level or another, but we believe them because they're pounded into our heads from the time we're children. That's what they do with that kind of thing—pound it into the heads of kids, 'cause they know the children are much too young to be able to muster an intellectual defense against a sophisticated idea like that, and they know that, up to a certain age, children believe everything their parents tell them. And as a result, they never learn to question things. Nobody questions things in this country anymore.”

“I wonder why prostitution is illegal. Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?”

“Everything's been sanitized now and cleaned up. First with these fucking Christians. You just start with them. You know. I'm so, you know. That's just one, wait a minute now. Yeah, you know. Let's not leave out these PC campus liberal assholes. I mean they're just as fucking bad from a different direction.”