"Peter Ustinov interviewed by Mike Wallace on The Mike Wallace Interview"

"Ashlee Simpson did a special performance at Mall of America this week. Reports from those present say that …"

"I was cast opposite multiple heroes and as luck would have it, the chemistry worked with most."

"The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president…"

"We have this culture of men, especially, watching pornography, but then offended by a classic nude portrait…"

"I had my group of friends, you know, like my real group of friends, and then I had, like, party friends."

"I found out yesterday there really is a place called Bumfuck, Egypt. And the only way to get there is to go…"