"I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again."

Rodney Dangerfield Entertainment See all quotes by Rodney Dangerfield →

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“I tell ya, my family were always big drinkers. When I was a kid, I was missing. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch.”

“I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.”

“A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.”

“When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me... and no one showed up.”

“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.”

“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”

Resonant Thoughts

"No, Brian, no... Let's try another one. Irwin, what's the plural for goose?" |teacher"

— Brian Regan (comedian)

Entertainment1958

#education

"I'd never seen anyone go truly, old-school berserkergang, but that scream...It was like hearing an echo rolling down through the centuries from an ancient world, a more savage world, now lost to the m…"

— Jim Butcher

Literature1971

#education

"We know what it is to get out of bed on a freezing morning in a room without a fire, and how the very vital principle within us protests against the idea. Probably most persons have lain on certain mo…"

— William James

Psychology1842–1910

#time

"It’s bizarre and disgusting to see much of America’s media making excuses for a bloodthirsty, openly genocidal death cult. Something is deeply wrong with journalism in this country."

— Charles Foster Johnson

Politics1953

#death