"I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them."

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“I tell ya, my family were always big drinkers. When I was a kid, I was missing. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch.”

“A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.”

“When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me... and no one showed up.”

“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.”

“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”

“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.”

Resonant Thoughts

"My father was this whip who carried a bible everywhere he went, including to someone's house to dinner. That's not the kind of minister Daddy was! All these ridiculous cliches."

— Yolanda King

Social Activism1955–2007

#family

"In Hollywood, women hate each other. Everyone is so bitchy and they don't want younger actresses coming in and taking their roles. You only have to look at what it's done to Kate Beckinsale. She used …"

— Sienna Guillory

Entertainment1975

#family

"A Man may so overdo it in looking too far before him, that he may stumble the more for it."

— George Savile

Politics1551–1622

#family

"Anne, do you know, I believe I shall always love you after this. I don't think I'll ever feel that dreadful way about you again. Talking it all out seems to have done away with it, somehow. It's very …"

— Lucy Maud Montgomery

Literature1874–1942

#mind