"I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but I live in a black neighborhood. Over there, they call it Ask body spray. If you don't get that joke, then you're not racist."

Zach Galifianakis Entertainment See all quotes by Zach Galifianakis →

React to this quote

More by Zach Galifianakis

“For 8 years now I've been addicted to cold turkey. When I tell people I'm quitting cold turkey, they say,"What are you quitting?", I'm fucking quitting cold turkey.”

“I'm going to do all new, fresh material...you guys been keeping up with this O.J. thing?”

“Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Will you touch my vagina...?" and she's like, "What!?" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say.”

“My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.”

“Growing up my dad was like "Zach, you have a great last name: Galifianakis... Galifianakis... Begins with a 'gal', ends with a 'kiss'"... I'm like "That's great, Dad. Can we get it changed to 'Galifiana-fuck' please?”

“Seriously!, this is a DVD! I need dinosaurs, thunder, race wars, something! Dammit, I gotta sell this motherfucker.... 36.63.”

Resonant Thoughts

"FDR Franklin D. Roosevelt cozied up to and made deals with the worst racists in America… FDR appointed Hugo Black, a former Ku Klux Klansman, to the Supreme Court. Black was completely unqualified—his…"

— Dinesh D'Souza

Literature1961

#humor

"We’ve got to take a chance, fly by the seat of our proverbial pants. There’s so much we can do, out in this world, me and you. There’s so much we can improve, if you dig my drift, if you catch my groo…"

— Dawud Wharnsby

Music1972

"Not really. I don't even have enough time to pursue everything I want to do musically. Also, there's a lot of people out there who spend a lot of time trying to act, so I think most of the good acting…"

— Chris Cornell

Music1964–2017

#friendship

"We played a gig in the Swiss Alps at a snowboarding convention. Red Bull-this energy sports-fuel drink-sponsored the whole thing. It has some ingredient believed to be bull-testicle extract. We went w…"

— Beck

Music1914–2008

#death