"Lily Tomlin's official website"

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

“People think there's some real subversive thing playing against whoever it is; a lot of it is just people who want to go along and get along. And they also want to make money. And the bottom line is, they're going to put out as much stuff as they can — stupid, banal stuff that makes money.”

“I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework”

“Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.”

“If I had known what it would be like to have it all... I might have been willing to settle for less.”

“If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than "survival of the fittest." I think a better idea would be "survival of the wittiest." At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.”