"Shoot 'Em Up - Spara o muori!"

"I've got to make sure the groom's hat's on straight." That's when you know an event's overstaffed."

"Why do they think "fat dyke" is an insult? To me that means, "I'm-a eat fried chicken and pussy."

"I don't want to turn back the hands of time to when women shuttled across state lines in the thick of night…"

"I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurt…"

"I didn't know if I was going to mention my period on stage, but then I figured, if Richard Pryor had a peri…"

"Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious."