"At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?"

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“For 8 years now I've been addicted to cold turkey. When I tell people I'm quitting cold turkey, they say,"What are you quitting?", I'm fucking quitting cold turkey.”

“I'm going to do all new, fresh material...you guys been keeping up with this O.J. thing?”

“Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Will you touch my vagina...?" and she's like, "What!?" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say.”

“My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.”

“Growing up my dad was like "Zach, you have a great last name: Galifianakis... Galifianakis... Begins with a 'gal', ends with a 'kiss'"... I'm like "That's great, Dad. Can we get it changed to 'Galifiana-fuck' please?”

“Seriously!, this is a DVD! I need dinosaurs, thunder, race wars, something! Dammit, I gotta sell this motherfucker.... 36.63.”

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"You are drafted and you get Tommy John right away, you have to wonder what are thinking of you then? I was advancing slowly . I started seeing guys who were drafted higher than me and signed for more …"

— Jacob deGrom

1988

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"I am not so much angry as trying to find my own voice in the world, to find enough courage to speak up in the first place, then to go forth and use it, which both are monumental tasks and require more…"

— Margaret Cho

Entertainment1968

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