"They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right."

Steven Wright Entertainment See all quotes by Steven Wright →

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“A lot of people are afraid of heights; not me, I'm afraid of widths.”

“Sometimes you cannot hear me, it's because sometimes I'm in parentheses.”

“Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.”

“I tried to hang myself with bungie cords. I kept almost dying.”

“In school they told me "Practice makes perfect." And then they told me "Nobody's perfect," so then I stopped practicing.”

“I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.”

Resonant Thoughts

"The gray silence, the gray waves, the gray wastes of the sea."

— William Sharp (writer)

Literature1885–1947

#language

"Women are supposed to domesticate men. List the countries where they treat women like dirt, and then list the crude, warlike, and brutal countries. Same list, yes?"

— John C. Wright

Science1961

#war

"Every man is, no doubt, by nature, first and principally recommended to his own care; and as he is fitter to take care of himself than of any other person, it is fit and right that it should be so."

— Adam Smith

Economics

#nature

"Whether it is to be Utopia or Oblivion will be a touch-and-go relay race right up to the final moment. . . . Humanity is in 'final exam' as to whether or not it qualifies for continuance in Universe"

— Buckminster Fuller

Philosophy1895–1983

#Human Nature