Trevor Noah

"Juggling is such a white thing, as well, when you think about it. No, just the whole concept. You have so much stuff that, at some point, you are like: "I can't even hold all of this stuff! I'll have …"

"Ben Carson: for people who like Donald Trump's ideas, but hate his charm and charisma. Ben Carson is like the drug free cocaine for people who don't wanna get high but just like snorting white powder."

"In life only three things are certain: death, Adobe updates and taxes."

"I spend most of my day screaming and then over time I get tired and then when I'm tired, I start thinking of the jokes."

"He really is a TV president. He loves the performance of doing things. But a lot of the time, nothing's actually being done. Essentially, Donald Trump wants to be president, but he doesn't want to do …"

"For me, Donald Trump is an emotional paradox, I'm not gonna lie. Logically, I can process him, emotionally, I struggle. On the one hand, I will admit, I wake up many days terrified at the notion that …"

"ISIS without guns is just basically a blog."

"We drink to enjoy. The Scottish drink to die."