"I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean."

Zach Galifianakis Entertainment See all quotes by Zach Galifianakis →

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“For 8 years now I've been addicted to cold turkey. When I tell people I'm quitting cold turkey, they say,"What are you quitting?", I'm fucking quitting cold turkey.”

“I'm going to do all new, fresh material...you guys been keeping up with this O.J. thing?”

“Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Will you touch my vagina...?" and she's like, "What!?" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say.”

“My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.”

“Growing up my dad was like "Zach, you have a great last name: Galifianakis... Galifianakis... Begins with a 'gal', ends with a 'kiss'"... I'm like "That's great, Dad. Can we get it changed to 'Galifiana-fuck' please?”

“Seriously!, this is a DVD! I need dinosaurs, thunder, race wars, something! Dammit, I gotta sell this motherfucker.... 36.63.”

Resonant Thoughts

"I don't think Osama bin Laden sent those planes to attack us because he hated our freedom. I think he did it because of our support for Israel, our ties with the Saudi family and our military bases in…"

— David Cross

Entertainment1964

#freedom

"On the bus going home I heard a most fascinating conversation between an old man and woman. "What a thing, though," the old woman said. "You'd hardly credit it." "She's always made a fuss of the whole…"

— Joe Orton

Literature1933–1967

#family

"The easy problems of consciousness are those that seem directly susceptible to the standard methods of cognitive science, whereby a phenomenon is explained in terms of computational or neural mechanis…"

— David Chalmers

Social Activism1966

#mind

"Man—vir, woman—femina, go to make up the man—homo. There can be no comparison, no rivalry between them; they are the complement of each other, and a little child shall lead them."

— Margaret Barber

Literature1869–1901

#family